


the truth untold

by herillusion



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Character Study, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 00:37:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16006634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herillusion/pseuds/herillusion
Summary: Nothing had really confirmed the dynamics he was guessing at - neither Thor or Loki would be especially keen to share that part of their past, but he saw in Loki something he had experienced all his life, that sense of being a misfit, of having something different about you that singled you out and left you alone in a way that was hard to get over. Even now, when he had Pepper and Rhodey and possibly the rest of the Avengers, he knew he would never really be normal. Being special wasn't always a good thing, not when it led to isolation, and humans needed interaction. Not just the shallow sort where you were always just surrounded by people who only wanted something from you in exchange, but meaningful ones which gave you emotional support. He wasn't sure how close Loki was to his parents, but Tony doubted he had much of those in his life.AU where Loki doesn't go back to Asgard with Thor using the Tesseract after the battle.





	the truth untold

**Author's Note:**

> Fairly abrupt ending & quite a lot of stuff left hanging (sorry about that). not much romance in it either - more of a character study of Loki from Tony's POV than anything else. Hope you get something out of it anyway.

"J, save all current files to my private server. I'll be back."

"Yes, sir."

The atmosphere was unusually somber, the recent incident of Tony having almost died alone in space still hanging over them. Heaving a sigh, he got up, finally giving in to the impulse to go over and take a look at Loki, who was now back in a duplicate version of the same glass cage he had been in previously, except it was located on a SHIELD facility instead of the helicarrier, which was being repaired. It had held him for a while last time, at least, and would have to do till a better alternative was built. Fury had been dropping strong hints about that, which Tony had made noncommittal noises about while seemingly engaged in his Starkpad.

The man had finally stopped badgering him to build weapons for them, which earned him some points - though for all he knew, Fury would start up on that again when something else happened in future. Inventing something which would help keep a villain in should have been something he jumped on with enthusiasm, but he remembered its original purpose. It felt as if he would be betraying Bruce somehow, building something that could imprison his alter ego, but that wasn't quite it either. He understood the need for failsafes and precautions well enough, and got the sense that Bruce would rather be locked up than let out somewhere where he could hurt more people. This whole situation just didn't sit right with him somehow, and he thought maybe going to see the guy in question who had defenestrated him might help to clear up that uneasy feeling that had been clinging to him.

Loki had originally been meant to go back to Asgard with Thor using the Tesseract, but Fury had somehow convinced Thor to go to consult the Allfather's opinion on Loki's punishment while Loki was kept safe here on Earth in the meantime. One would think it would be good to have someone who had already done so much damage as far away from Earth as possible. But no, apparently it was prudent for scientists to further study him so they could come up with more effective countermeasures in future, should something like this happen again. Which was not entirely without sense, Tony had to admit.

He stood there silently staring through the panes of glass, the guards stationed there paying him no mind. There was nothing much to see, at any rate. Loki was seated in a corner, staring into space, the muzzle which Thor had promised them would keep him from using his magic securely over his mouth. He had not tried to tear it off or attempt to escape at all, and Tony realised that formed part of his unease. The glimpse of personality he had caught from the man who had asked him for that offered drink after they had surrounded him seemed to have vanished. It was good that he wasn't testing his bonds, of course, but Tony had never been the sort to look a gift horse in the mouth. Where was his fighting spirit? It could be that he knew that there was no point in trying and didn't want to waste the effort, but Tony had faced down seemingly impossible odds before with sheer strength of will. The God of Mischief struck him as someone who would specialise in finding loopholes. Was he just biding his time, waiting for an ally to come to his rescue at a predetermined time? Yet Thor had said that to the best of his knowledge, Loki had no one in Asgard who would come to his aid. It struck him as somewhat tragic - a thousand years and no true friends, no one to call upon when he needed help? Thor could be wrong, of course - the regretful and bewildered looks he had shot Loki made it rather clear that he didn't know his adopted brother as well as he thought.

It was almost like the plot of some tacky TV drama - to find out someone close to you had hidden depths, only in a malicious and not romantic way. Tony abruptly sobered, that train of thought hitting too close to home. Maybe he was projecting and overthinking it. Occam's Razor...Loki didn't want to live? That muzzle didn't allow for him to eat or drink anything, and although he couldn't see Thor just leaving his brother to die, he might not have put much thought into this plan at all since the original 1 would only have him wearing it for the trip back to Asgard. The guy seemed more the kind to charge in head first to things than to consider and plan things out properly before that. They could survive longer than humans without nutrition, sure, but it wasn't as if they had gotten much chance to compare metabolism and everything against Thor before his departure.

Why did he even care? True, it wasn't like the man was a paragon of virtue, and frankly, this seemed more Cap's area than him, fighting for human rights, fair treatment of prisoners and stuff like that. Tony was pretty sure the only reason the guards weren't taking the chance to beat Loki up a little was that they were under strict orders from Nick Fury himself not to enter the cage. The likelihood of him managing any sort of escape was low, but better safe than sorry and all. It would be fairly awkward to have to explain to Thor how exactly they had lost his brother...because some petty minded human couldn't maintain their professionalism and let their grudge against him spill over into their work. The 24 hour surveillance on the cell pretty much erased the chance that they would try to secretly defy that order, anyway. Tony wasn't trying to look down on them or anything, but he would hazard a guess that these guards would be trained more in the areas of fighting than hacking. SHIELD’s agents that were sent out into the field for mission would probably have a more diverse skillset. Though he couldn't speak for what they did in their free time, obviously. But since Cap wasn't around - he reckoned the guy deserved some downtime to catch up on everything he'd missed, anyway - he had to pick up the slack. He wasn't an activist of any sort, but if they resorted to torture and mistreatment just like the bad guys...what made them any better? Despite all the nasty headlines, he did have a heart. And morals, even if he was the ex merchant of death. Guess he would be working on that cage after all. 

Taking one last glance at the man sitting silently, no longer dressed in that green and gold armor, he thought about trying to give him a heads up of what he was going to do. He ultimately decided against it - he supposed Loki wouldn't appreciate it anyway, given his current state of mind. He was all for free will and choice, but not in cases like this, when the party involved obviously didn't know what was best for him. He needed the chance to talk to him. He was no psychotherapist, but even he knew he had to be missing parts of the story. A Norse God wouldn't want to kill himself just because he led a failed invasion, would he? Hell, maybe he was wrong and the guy was just that arrogant, but he trusted his gut instinct. He might be an engineer, but he was also an inventor. It wasn't as if he hadn't already gotten a reputation for being reckless, anyway.

A few days later he came back, proudly brandishing a force field that he was convinced would do the trick. He had no clue how he would know if it would actually work, since it wasn't as if he was using magic actively all the time and there was a flare of green power that would vanish before their eyes to prove its efficiency. Nor could he remove the muzzle to see if any magic would be used against him - there was no remote way to do it, and Pepper would kill him if he was so foolhardy as to risk his life because of his overconfidence about his invention working. He had thought about building a robot arm that would come down from the ceiling, but doubted Loki would stay in place long enough for it to do its job. He didn't really seem the trusting sort who would believe that it had no malicious purpose even if Tony told him so. It wasn't like Tony had given him much reason to trust him either, except for actually giving him the offered drink, which was pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things. So he would just have to go by Loki's reaction when he activated it.

Which...he thought faintly as he took a step backwards in shock, hadn't been what he expected at all. Or to clarify - he had known Loki was adopted but this was a hell of a way to differentiate them. Loki was looking at the blue skin on his arms with unadulterated horror. It made an uncomfortable reminder of some days Tony himself had looked at himself the same way in the mirror. It hadn't been quite horror, but he sensed an underlying self hatred that rang true for him too in the red eyes that were now looking at him with some unnameable emotion. A plea to reverse the change he had unintentionally wrought by the testing out of his force field? A promise to wreak revenge at some date in the future for submitting him to this humiliation? Some deeply hidden part of him that wanted acceptance, for someone to tell him he was perfectly fine no matter how he looked? Somehow Tony doubted he would take well to him trying reassurance on this matter. He might want it, but he wasn't anywhere near ready to accept it from Tony himself of all people, not when they were practically strangers. And this hadn't exactly solved the problem...he doubted Loki was any less dangerous in this form, judging by the alarmingly low temperatures his scan was registering. He tried to keep his voice steady and as neutral as he could manage when he spoke. 

"Hey, I know someone who looks like you, you know. She calls herself Mystique and she's a shapeshifter." He held up his Starkpad, showing the mutant in question on the screen, to prove that he wasn't lying. The alien was pacing restlessly in his cell now, but he did spare the photo a glance. 

"I'm going to give you some time to calm down then I'm going to get that muzzle off you, alright?" Pepper was going to eviscerate him when she found out, he thought gloomily. It wouldn't make any sense to back down now though, after he'd come this far. That mention did seem to soothe Loki slightly, though it made Tony feel guilty too - as if doing what he had was justified because he would remove the muzzle as some sort of reward. He wondered how much good intentions counted for, in the grand scheme of things.

Perhaps Loki would be less keen on talking instead of just throwing insults at him...but hey, give him mocking words rather than silence any day. At least then he could glean more from it as compared to the stony silence Steve showed him...oh, he was fond of talking about the importance of communication, but he didn't practice what he preached all that well - save for all the disapproving looks and occasional outbursts about Tony's refusal to listen to instructions and what not. He was fairly used to people being unhappy with and shouting at him for whatever reason - not that it didn't still sting in some way that someone he had idolized when he was younger had become one of them too. He knew he was far from perfect, but if he just went along with whoever thought they knew best, he might as well be a robot. 

There were definitely worse ways to spend time than exchanging sarcastic banter, anyway, he thought, as he made his way down again the next day. And immediately swore when Loki finally entered his line of sight - he was just as blue as ever, but the worrying part was that he was sprawled on the ground looking half dead with the guards merely exchanging uncertain glances at each other without anyone actually making a move to change the situation. 

"Fucking idiots - does it always have to be me?" he muttered as he strode grimly closer. The source of the problem wasn't as immediately apparent as yesterday, when he'd actually been present when they'd switched on that machine, but it didn't take long for him to figure it out when he got close enough to hear Loki's panting. The conclusion was easy to reach considering Loki wasn't engaged in any strenuous physical activity at the moment.

"Heat stroke..? The temperature controls." He turned them down to what it would be in an air conditioned room and watched as Loki gradually stirred and sounded less breathless. Damn Fury and his minions - he was getting Loki out of here. God knew what they would try to do to him next, looking at what they'd already done on the 2 visits he'd come on. He couldn't even begin to imagine what kind of condition Loki would have gone back to Asgard in if he hadn't decided to check in. He gave it 5 more minutes before he disabled the controls on Loki's glass cage and picked him up awkwardly. He guessed Loki would hate the humiliation of being carried out like a helpless baby, but he wasn't sure if he was recovered enough to walk on his own power yet and Tony wanted to expedite their escape as much as he could.

The demigod made less protest than he expected - either too exhausted to care where he was being taken or like Tony, sensed a kindred spirit and figured putting his fate in the hands of someone he had thrown out of a window was still a better shot than SHIELD. He paused and with a savage smile, announced to the onlookers, "Tell Fury that since he doesn't know how to take care of his toys, I'm taking them."

He could sense Loki's glare at the description but elected to ignore it in favor of actually getting out before one of the guards decided to shoot. Not that it would matter since he had Bruce back at the tower to help out, but gunshot wounds were never pleasant. He hoped Clint wouldn't be too pissed when he found out, but it couldn't really be helped. Loki needed supervision, that much was certain, and it was best here where he could rope the others in to help out. It felt odd, carrying Loki like this - as if he was some sort of damsel in distress. It was a glaring comparison to make when you thought about the destruction he had brought down, even if Tony was beginning to have a nagging suspicion about how much of that had really been his own idea.

Abruptly remembering what had happened between the Hulk and Loki, he wondered if Loki would even agree to let Bruce treat him...not that they had many other doctors to choose from. Or rather they did in a sense - money could buy discretion, but he didn't trust those people not to talk when someone else offered them more money. If any doctor recognized him they might just refuse to treat him at all, Hippocratic oath and what not aside. Besides, he doubted anyone really knew much about Loki's unique physiology, including Loki himself. It had to be awful, for your body to betray you like that. At least his magic was still a constant - that had to be an odd sort of comfort, that this skill you had that others so despised you for and looked upon as unnatural was in fact the most important thing in your life. Your sole stable touchstone - and hell, Thor would probably be pissed if he could hear Tony's thoughts right now, but Tony got the feeling that for whatever other virtues the thundergod might possess, a model big brother he was not. Tony himself didn't exactly have room to talk, considering he was an only child, but the best you could say about Thor when it came to social relationships was that he was frustratingly oblivious. You had to cut him some slack when it came to cultural norms, of course, but Tony somehow didn't see him as a good king when it came to the political machinations necessary. Oh, he would probably be a good figurehead people looked up to, but the first thing you thought when you looked at Thor was certainly not that he would be good at subterfuge of any kind.

Which was not a bad thing by itself - Tony admired that sort of honesty in a way, as something he couldn't do himself in daily life, confessions of being a superhero aside. But he didn't suppose that trait would have made him very sympathetic had Loki chosen to complain about any ill treatment - Thor would have likely brushed that off as an exaggeration and not fact, since he hadn't noticed anything of the sort himself. Nothing had really confirmed the dynamics he was guessing at - neither Thor or Loki would be especially keen to share that part of their past, but he saw in Loki something he had experienced all his life, that sense of being a misfit, of having something different about you that singled you out and left you alone in a way that was hard to get over. Even now, when he had Pepper and Rhodey and possibly the rest of the Avengers, he knew he would never really be normal. Being special wasn't always a good thing, not when it led to isolation, and humans needed interaction. Not just the shallow sort where you were always just surrounded by people who only wanted something from you in exchange, but meaningful ones which gave you emotional support. He wasn't sure how close Loki was to his parents, but Tony doubted he had much of those in his life. It didn't excuse anything he had done, but having an insight into everything certainly made it much harder to see him as a 2 dimensional villain who only wanted power for its own sake and didn't care about who or how many others were hurt along the way.

He didn't just leave Loki in a room alone with Bruce when they got to the Tower – he could be a little oblivious to certain things normal people tended to take note of, like remembering birthdays or people's allergies, Pepper and the strawberries being the case in point – but he had been a superhero (ha, some sort of hero you are, his mind echoed at him scornfully) for long enough to know what kind of reckless risk was alright to take. Well, Steve would probably disagree, but someone who created a new element in desperation to save their own life probably had a different definition of reckless. You would think the man would be more flexible, what with the stories about how much of a rebel he used to be, but maybe 70 years in the ice had changed him. Maybe the shock of having to adjust to a whole new world had. And he startled out of his thought train feeling faintly guilty. Loki was behaving well enough, keeping still and allowing Bruce to examine him without any snark. He wanted to be surprised by it, but he honestly wasn't sure he had much of a baseline for comparison in terms of Loki's behaviour anymore. Didn't he change dramatically himself, after what he went through in Afghanistan? 

He had only known Loki for a fairly short time, besides. Having to stop someone from taking over the world wasn't the best first impression he could have made, but now that the chaos was over for the moment, he couldn't help but wonder at his motivations. Call it the downside of being an inventor – if curiosity killed the cat, he would be dead many times over – hell, he had narrowly just avoided yet another brush with death, and trying to figure out Loki was a much better way to spend time than dwelling on that and how much more nightmare fodder the experience had just given his brain. It wasn't like sleepless nights were anything he wasn't already used to anyway. Thank fuck Clint wasn't in the Tower, of all the things Loki had done that had been the most...personal. Not quite the right word, he supposed, he barely knew Clint except as one of SHIELD's lackeys and one of his potential future teammates, but Tony couldn't imagine having his control taken from him like that. He had been manipulated, but not magically, and it wasn't something he was keen to experience anytime soon.

Pepper was tied up with cleaning up the mess at SI right now, stock prices hadn't exacty benefited from the public knowing Iron Man was involved in the destruction of so much architecture, even considering the fact that it had happened in the process of trying to save the world. So what better time was there to try to poke at Loki to see what he could find out? He hadn't been through any sort of training for interrogation skills, but he'd been on the other end of it often enough from dealing with reporters and what not to glean some basics. He thought Loki might be more open to talking to him than a faceless SHIELD agent, in any case. Not that their next few interactions seemed to prove that assumption, as he came across as cryptic as ever. God of Lies, Tony had to remind himself. He wasn't the only one used to keeping his cards close to his chest, and it wasn't as if he had proven himself reliable in any way except for rescuing him from SHIELD. The man did seem to let his guard down a little though, gradually.

Nothing substantial, but some comments he made in response to Tony's rambling definitely gave him food for thought. He'd rewatched the footage too, but couldn't figure out whether his conclusions were logical or just him trying too hard to connect the dots and justify everything so it made sense in his head. He knew this couldn't last, though. They would only stay in this strange state of stasis up till Thor decided to come back and fetch his brother. Then Tony would probably never see him again, if Asgard did its job properly in keeping him imprisoned – he wasn't sure how justice systems worked in other worlds, but he was going to go ahead and assume they couldn't vary too widely. He should be glad, there wasn't exactly much love lost between him and Loki. But he couldn't help but feel it would be a waste, that there was so much more to this than it seemed. That all he needed was more time to solve this mystery. Maybe the man figured out what he was up to, caught some of the pointed glances Tony kept shooting at him as if extra staring was going to help him come to some conclusion. Regardless of the reason, it seemed like Loki had decided to let him in, just a little.

Not anywhere near enough for Tony to figure anything out, but certainly enough to catch his interest more than he’d already been hooked. He wasn’t a detective, but he despised secrecy, especially when he felt that it was unnecessary. Case in point – SHIELD and their sneakiness about the Tesseract. Look how that’d ended up. Loki had been lingering around in his workshop more and more often as the days passed. So he wasn’t sure if he was surprised, when he caught Tony’s arm, which had been waving around wildly as he tried to explain what he was trying to accomplish with his latest experiment, and kissed him in the pause. He didn’t hesitate to respond, though. Was it the wisest decision, to get involved with a man who for all intents and purposes he barely knew? All he had was his own speculation. Loki refused to admit anything outright, for whatever reasons, Tony didn’t know. It could all be a lie, an attempt to manipulate him. Hell knew if he hadn’t been subject to enough of those over the course of his lifetime though, and he sensed that this was sincere.

What Loki was willing to give him as well as what he was willing to reveal in return. Maybe neither of them were showing all their cards yet, but he thought there could be a chance at something more. He didn’t trust easily, and he supposed neither did Loki. Maybe they were too alike for something like this to work. He didn’t know if he could be in a proper relationship, given how badly he’d fucked things up with Pepper. But he would regret it if he didn’t try. One last time then, that he’d throw his heart out there and hope it wouldn’t be trampled on. As he undressed Loki slowly, Loki’s gaze on him softening slightly, he thought it could work. It wasn’t like he didn’t have a reputation for doing crazy shit already, anyway.


End file.
